April 14
The cruellest month has cures
T. S. Eliot wrote many things, but ‘April is the cruelest month…’ has to be the most controversial as for many of us, April brings all the good stuff that is associated with the British Spring, and by extension, the onset of the Summer months. However, this time last weekend I was shrouded by an incomprehensible sense of doom, sitting in my stomach like a boulder that I just couldn’t roll over and I very much felt like agreeing with him. Anxiety was running its course through every cell in my body and self-doubt was happily cheering it on. I tried to relax, via reading (I started Hilary Mantel’s A place of greater safety), cleaning (boring), writing (block), and working (something to focus on), but I couldn’t settle for long. I had good reason to be anxious, as I was in a bit of a limbo with some freelance pitches, some work at Country Life, waiting for confirmations, waiting to hear back from someone else, twenty minor things that felt like twenty-five massive things… you know how it goes. By Wednesday night, I was tearful and tired. But Thursday and Friday, when a few of those little things were gradually being sorted and some of the bigger things had slotted into place, a sense of relief started flowing, and it was enough to start eroding that boulder away. Now Sunday is here, and with it a commission to work on, several pitches awaiting the go-ahead, a bottle of Sugrue in my fridge, and plans with family and friends just waiting to be scheduled. The May issues of my monthly magazines are filtering through, and making time to enjoy them is one of my ‘self-care’ rituals that I force myself to pursue - because the pleasure is all mine when I do.
Despite the dreadful few days, I know it would have lasted far longer if I hadn’t made additional, purposeful efforts to abate it, despite not feeling motivated to do so. I worked harder, which isn’t helpful to most, but grounds me a little and gives me a sense of purpose. I went to sleep earlier, forcing myself to lights/phone/iPad off (the latter I use for reading) by a certain time each night. I ate food that brought me pleasure, balancing nutritious and healthy with some of my favourite indulgences. I kept close to home, as my room is very much my sanctuary and I am trying harder to actively be more grateful for it. I went for a run most mornings, noting the scents and sounds of Spring that surrounded me as I pounded the streets. I’ve lost myself in new fragrances, and found myself amongst new clothes. I didn’t feel particularly enthralled at the thought of most of these things, but doing them has made me feel 100 times better today, and geared me up for the weeks ahead.
To kick things off is a photograph of a jasmine bush. I pass three bushes on my morning route, making it six times in total per run, yet I still find myself surprised by the shock my olfactory system gets when it picks up that unforgettably delicious scent. It is a sweet and fruity floral, fresh, but rich and sensual. It draws you in, both intoxicating and liberating you at the same time. It is delicate, but it is wild, and I have had to stop, on multiple occasions, just to linger a minute longer in the floral embrace. It is a favourite in fragrances of the bottled kind, but nothing compares to the scent in its natural form. I was given a jasmine bush when I first moved to London, and how I wish I had done more to keep it alive, because it would have been the most wonderful scent to lace my waking moments at home.
When it comes to relieving my anxiety, I am not ashamed to say that I turn to beautiful clothing. I usually head towards high-end, but there have been a few lovely things on the high street that have helped me this week too. I’ve noted a few below.
Everybody knows I love a good shirt, so Palmer//Harding is a brand that answers many of my prayers. As yellow remains this seasons favourite colour, this ruffled taffeta dress is sure to be top of many shopping lists. Second, more shirts, but this time for your feet? Yes, and thank you for these, Balenciaga.
This dress from Anthropologie looks straight off the runway thanks to a mix of rough hems, patchwork effects and peplum flick. It makes me think of Dior cruise - a big statement, but I’m making it. Similarly, the below dress, which has already sold out twice, echoes back to the Anthurium dresses by Loewe. The former is my personal favourite.
One of the floral dresses I can’t stop thinking about is this incredible Kika Vargas dress (below). It’s a print that needs to be seen in person to make the final judgement, but I am more than happy to be witnessing it from afar at the minute.
Calm was restored when I ventured to Joseph and played around with their Mayet jacket. The combination of the soft mocha colour, elegance of silk and a hug from the wrap style gave me all the mental warmth I needed. I tried this on over black pants, and think it would look amazing with a linen dress or trousers as the warmer weather comes. Finally, we need to talk about Rokh for H&M. After failing to find something I loved in multiple of their previous collaborations, two entire looks and this one fantastic skirt have got me in a chokehold. The floral look, complete with gloves? I am SOLD.
Here’s to a brighter week ahead.
Amie Elizabeth